Perspective and Attitude

It’s a New Year tomorrow.  I can’t say I have any burning need to make a resolution other than to stay on the path I’m on.  Philosophy and Psychology…hmm.  Fascinating fields of study.  Started thinking about it after a chat yesterday.  I hadn’t realized how much I had shoved those two subjects to the back burner and it felt like a shock to have them in the forefront again.  It’s not always an uplifting subject and yet it is the key to understanding the world we live in and ourselves.

Can there be wisdom without pain? 

My initial answer is no.  As a child you can’t truly know not to touch a hot burner until you know it’s sting.  Out of pure survival instinct you will never forget that lesson once learned the hard way.  So are we emotionally wired the same?  Does the pain of our emotional mistakes color our perception forever?  Can our faith and trust ever be truly restored?  Conflicted is how I feel about these questions.  On the one hand I want to hold onto the ideal of approaching every person with fresh eyes and not assume who they are based on preconceptions based on prior experience.  Yet past experience is the stick used to measure every new person you come into contact with.  So far the best I’ve been able to come to terms with this thought is to keep my knee jerk reactions in check by questioning them, particularly when they are strong.  On the other hand it would be foolish indeed to completely discount the past and it’s lessons.  If you did, how would you know not to touch the hot burner?  Yet no where can you learn definitively what past experiences are safe to let go of and which you should cling to.  Often it comes down to what you are willing to risk which is subjective to the individual.  For me… my prerogative is usually to avoid deep emotional pain.  Though this seems like an obvious and natural instinct it is one I’m very aware of.  I see how it shapes my path forward and how I avoid making past mistakes again.  At the same time I wouldn’t alter my past if I could.  Every painful moment of my past has shaped me into who I am and I’m content with this.

 In retrospect the happiness and joy in my past has also shaped me.  It is interesting that pain was the first choice I picked to define the self.  I wonder if it is more of an indicator of my personality or of the human experience in general.  Pain is loud and harsh were happiness and joy tend to be gentle.  So in a way that makes the lessons of happiness subtle and harder to learn.  I imagine every person understands how to hurt another, but trying to make someone happy is a tricky slope to navigate.  I know for starters that my definition and basic necessities for happiness has changed dramatically since I was a child.  It’s enough that I’m convinced one must have a firm understanding of self in order to even attempt a successful relationship.  If you aren’t firm on your requirements for happiness, how can you guarantee that your definition will not change?

At one point I know I was content to be what we termed as a happy cynic.  Happy despite of my lack of faith in the world to be good. Overtime this wasn’t enough.  Trying to be happy while discontent with humanity is exhausting and a losing battle over time.  So I evolved when it was more uncomfortable to stay the same than it was to change.  It took an unhealthy relationship and dropping out of college, but I woke up.  That crap in high school of the glass half full or empty and the bit about lemons finally sunk in.  It’s not that I didn’t understand what they were implying before, I simply didn’t understand how to practically apply it or how much it really mattered.  The realization wasn’t overnight but it was transformative.  How could it not be?  It isn’t that the world became a better place or anything but I saw how focusing on what is good in life is so much better for you.  If you’ve never been on the other side of where you are now, try thinking on the other side for a day and tell me how it goes.  If you don't see a difference you aren't trying hard enough or simply don't understand fully what I'm asking for.  

I suppose if I followed a religion faithfully I may have learned some of this sooner but I'm not convinced this is the case.  Despite being a cynic and atheist for a time I've never lacked for a strong moral compass.  I understand that there are many moral codes in holy scriptures which are good to guide one's life by.  However, I've also seen how some of the scriptures are either taken out of context or held onto out of personal bias to the detriment of others.  If you doubt this you simply have to look at history.  Wars and atrocities in the name of a god to spread a doctrine are not rare, indeed they continue even today.  How often do you find a self-proclaimed pious person who is not also willing to condemn those that do not believe as they do?  My perception may be skewed but I think too often.  

So as I transitioned to my optimistic stage with a touch of caution added I decided to be agnostic. Not only because of history or how religion is too often used as a tool, but because it just makes more sense.  If there is a "supreme power" that created and holds the universe in it's sway I can't for the life of me understand how humans can be expected to truly understand or grasp it's definition or design.  I'm also astounded by the arrogance that makes a person think that this "supreme power" would be so focused on their life when we are but a piece of dust on a grain of sand floating through the universe.  Our survival as a species is so uncertain the majority of religions even have doomsday prophecies.  I think this is because we know on an instinctual level how easy and quickly we could become extinct.  We would of course consider this type of an event catastrophic but the universe would simply see it as a rearrangement of particles.  I guess I just went out on a limb and made my own assumptions but rather than term it a belief I would only call it a theory.  A theory that if untrue would be ok with me in the end. 

I reread the above and think I must seem sorely pessimistic still to some.  If so, I ask you to check your knee jerk reaction and simply accept I'm a strange duck.  I do believe tomorrow will bring a better day.  I do have faith that humanity will progress even if it is kicking and screaming the whole way.  I do have faith in the kindness of strangers.  I do believe that it behooves one to be honest, kind, and generous.  I know that with enough determination and grit one can overcome most anything.  I also accept that I may be wrong.  Which means that I can respect the points of view of others as genuinely as I know how and understand that, though vastly contrasted to my own, they are perfectly valid.  I don't claim complete success on this point but I do consistently make an effort in this direction after I get over my initial reaction.  I am not perfect after all, I am merely me and only me.  

It is... relieving to have this on paper rather than jumbling around in my head.  So I'll end by wishing one and all a prosperous and good New Year.  It shall be an exciting year for me and though it came quickly I will do what is in my power to enjoy it.

Duct Work

The room was caught unaware.  In the beginning, it appeared routine duct work was being done in the communications room.  Indeed, we had all had warning that they would be working today from our supervisor.  It was important to maintain the air temperature and air quality in the room both for the computers and people that manned them 24 hours a day.  One by one we put on the dust masks to protects ourselves from any particles that might get in the air as they worked. This to, was routine. What unfolded next was most unusual.

                It began slowly.  None of us knew what was happening until it was too late.  Like a frog who starts off in cold water and doesn’t realize it’s boiling until it’s doomed.  It was so much like something out of science fiction, I doubt you’ll even believe it.  Whether it was the masks or what they did with the ducts is still under fierce debate.  We started to notice something was amiss shortly after the technicians working on the ducts left.  This is why some say it was the ducts.  Still, others say it was the masks because the technicians never used them and were later reported to have no symptoms.  You would think it would be a simple thing to determine, yet no trace or possible source could be found after the fact. 

This is what happened:

                At first the change was so slow no one noticed.  Like the speed fingernails and hair grow slow.  We thought our discomfort due to the masks at first and were happy to take them off, the work being completed.  Then it was like a switch flipped and discomfort became blinding pain.  The center may as well have been unmanned at this point.  What followed may have well been a mass hallucination. Dispatchers and call takers alike started to morph into some crude mix of human and animal.  Body hair grew and became fur.  Where the masks had been became more of a muzzle then a mouth.  Through the pain you could see the look of horror on everyone’s faces as they watched helplessly.  Then one by one we were blissfully granted the gift of unconsciousness.  I’m told a month has passed since that day.  I’m one of the last ones to wake from the coma.  Miraculously none of us bare a mark of what happened that day.  Collectively it’s been decided, with unspoken consent, not to talk or admit what happened that day.  Indeed as I write this I find myself tempted to get rid of these words, like even writing them down I’ll risk getting locked away in the loony bin.  What type of beasts we may have turned into never came to light. 

50 Shades of Grey

Just finished reading the first book in this trilogy.  And like George Takei might say, "Oh my!"

I must say it was a very surprising book for one that is so popular.  I think it speaks to a darker part of our selves, the parts that want to let go of control.  And such an emotional roller coaster as you cheer for Ana to both embrace her dark side and run as far away from it as she can.

I've often thought that we as humans like to complicate our lives.  That the moment things start to seem dull and complacent we subconsciously start to search for ways to sabotage ourselves or cause drama.  Perhaps from a deep seated need to grow as a person knowing it's not spiritually time to be at peace.  I think that's why we find tv shows, books, and movies so captivating.  It gives us a chance to live vicariously through the characters we love, to satiate our need for turbulence while maintaing peaceful lives.

I thoroughly enjoyed the book, I must say.  Judge me how you will.  If you aren't too conservative, I would strongly suggest this book.   If you are.....Well, it might open your eyes anyway.  Though I must say I've never been a fan of pain and probably never will be.

-

Edit: 5/29/2012

Just finished the last book and have decided this is a Mature Adult version of Beauty and the Beast.  Overall an enjoyable story.

Understand

"I think it's worse than sneaky. It inverts things. As long as all churches are UNDER the federal government, then they are equal. Equal? That's not the issue. This is total dominance by the state--also known as totalitarianism.

Freedom of religion means the churches are superior to the federal government in issues that properly do not belong to Caesar--such as how they view sex and what it means in their lives. If people are placed in a conflict between obeying the law of God and obeying the law of Obama, then freedom of religion is being compromised."  -Anonymous Response to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-emily-c-heath/separation-of-church-and-santorum_b_1311650.html?ref=religion




Obeying the law of Obama? O.o  *shakes head in bemusement*  I truly find it disturbing how little I am able to understand where these people are coming from.  Typically I pride myself on being able to see fairly each side of the coin.  To be able to understand.   I wonder am I as much in my own world as they seem to be in theirs?  I mean.... where did Caesar and the "law of Obama" come into the equation?  Do people really think that the Christian faith is under attack?  Or is it simply that offensive that someone else might have different beliefs and that in and of it self is enough of an assault?  It makes me think of the Crusades because heaven literally forbid anyone disagree.  


totalitarian |tōˌtaliˈte(ə)rēən|adjectiveof or relating to a system of government that is centralizedand dictatorial and requires complete subservience to the state : a totalitarian regime.


We are far from being in this type of system.  My goodness we need only to look at countries like Syria to get an idea of what this might really be like.   Ask yourself, would you really want to live in a country ruled by religion?  Perhaps I just can't understand anyone that takes such an extreme stance on things.  Or at least it seems extreme to me.


"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men." -John Emerich Edward Dalberg Acton

Perception

How does one decide what is real?  What is truth and what is fiction?


It still floors me some days how much the motivational bs they tried to sell us in high school has proven true. And equally surprised it took so long to see it. Like the quote involving a glass that is either half full or half empty or the one with raining lemons. I once felt that life was defined by what you accomplish but am finding it is more sharply defined by the perspective one chooses. Then I step back and think to myself what do I really know about life? 


I recall being younger and driving back home from Superior as a passenger with my dad.  The day was a sunny one and we were going past the home with a giant field between it and the highway that always had a white picket fence around it, stretching the length of the property.   That day I was stunned when I realized how many people were in the world living out their own lives, with so many different thoughts and ideas and troubles.  It was a huge revelation for me.  I think I even tried to explain it to my dad during that car ride, but I didn't get the reaction I wanted.  Just an acknowledgment that yes there are a lot of folks in the world, what's new about that?  Though I dare say part of the problem was my lack of skill in expressing the idea.  


It's humbling when you really stop to think about it.  It gives you pause to possibly see that no, you don't have it all that bad, despite how many people you think have it better.  


Some days I feel hopelessly lost in my own thoughts.  Like when I'm driving and someone cuts me off.  At first I react and think WTF?  Did they really just do that?  Then I think about it.  Do you think they saw me?  What might be going on in their life that could make them so distracted or thoughtless?  Was I speeding and they thought I was going slower?  Do they have an emergency somewhere? And then the anger is forgotten and my mind wonders onto another topic, be it whats on the radio or what I need to go grocery shopping for. 

Gay Marriage?

http://www.islandmix.com/backchat/f9/origin-marriage-50901/

Now I understand that this is a hot topic.  Not one that is easy to agree on either, even inside of families.  I personally don't love or hate gay marriage.  I will however stand up for their right to it.  To reference the article, marriage was a thing before Christianity and they do not have sole rights to the term.  Also, as you can see, the idea of what marriage means to not only our country but to people in general has changed dramatically since it's first incarnation and will no doubt continue the trend of change as time marches on. I'm for one very thankful I am no longer considered a piece of property and have the right to vote.  


The main reason people have a right to marriage(gay or otherwise) in our country is our constitution.  Which I might add was very well thought out and way ahead of it's time.  Essentially though, it very thoroughly states one, a separation of church and state and two, the right to freedom of religion.  That being stated I would never dream to even think that you or your church should be required to sanction that which they may hold as a sin or even an abomination.  Never.  I do expect our government however to recognize any marriage between two consenting adults, irrespective of race, sex, or religion.     


It boggles me that it wasn't that long ago that interracial marriage was against the law.  Though because it's no longer illegal it gives me hope that eventually people will see past their differences in faith and allow people to be treated equally under our government. Let's be realistic, a civil union is just an attempt to segregate a person because of who they love.  If you must separate yourself from gays being allowed to "marry" why not call your own marriage a holy marriage or a Christian marriage?  I suppose it all comes down to a struggle over wordage.  Which to me is silly.  As you can call a rock by stone, pebble, or boulder but it doesn't change the fact that it's a rock.  


P.S. I like the word irrespective.  

Politics?

http://www.mrconservative.com/2012/02/2263-obama-bible-burning/

You know... if President Obama failed to address the current situation it would just get worse which would put more of our soldiers lives at risk.  Trying to minimize the danger our troops are in while they are surrounded by a people known for being extreme about religion, isn't a bad thing.  


I fully believe that if the situation that is in the Middle East was the story of what was going on in America right now, it would be just as bad and we would demand an apology from the occupying leader.  For one moment just imagine that we were the up and coming country still going through civil war and had a foreign military force in our country with very different religious beliefs.  Then word got out that they were burning our bibles.  I can only imagine the anger and violence that would occur and it would probably be worse.  I dare say we would drive the occupying force out or die trying.  


Why those orders were given in the first place is a mystery to me.  What brilliant person didn't see this happening the moment word got out?  


In general I reject any "news" or "premise" that is aimed at causing fear and anger.  Not because there is nothing worth fearing or being angry about, but because those emotions block a persons ability to be reasonable.  A writer that does this makes me feel as if they are assuming I am incapable of reaching my own conclusions on a story and their attempt to make me accept theirs with this method is not acceptable. (Such as hinting that the foundation of my belief system is threatened because the President wants to try to protect the troops that are in the danger zone.)


Deep down though this whole situation just saddens me.  Hate begets hate, violence just begets more violence.  I pray everyday for the world as a whole to gain a deeper understanding for those we live with. I would pray for world peace but without a foundation of understanding and acceptance that peace would be fragile indeed.  

Think!

I find myself irritated by the world some days.  Mainly for how people seem to think, or lack there of.  But then maybe I just don't understand or know where they are coming from despite how asleep they seem.  I'm not particularly enlightened and still have a lot of room to grow myself in truth.

I think our schools need to do a better job of teaching us to think critically and lay off on fact memorization.  Or maybe, better yet, to think clearly.  To think for themselves.  I tried to help a friend do this once and almost succeeded but then they succumbed to peer pressure.  To those that need people to believe and think what they do.

It is better to think independently while respecting another's point of view, rather then to group think and insist your way is the only way.

Here's to hoping we all wake up and think clearly.